So I’m just going to admit it.  I was a grinch this Christmas season and the weeks leading up to it.  There was something about my 33rd birthday approaching this year that I just did… not… want… to… celebrate. And I wasn’t much wanting to celebrate Christmas either.  Stephen had to beg me to pull out the tree and decorate because I just wasn’t in the mood this year.  I was in a major funk about a lot of different things related to the Christmas season and my upcoming birthday, as well as dealing with disappointments to unanswered prayers and struggling to keep the faith during a season of joy celebrating the birth of our Savior.

I felt like the little kid in The Polar Express who couldn’t hear the bell ring anymore… I felt like I lost the magic of Christmas, and birthdays as well.

My mom was coming to Nashville to spend it with Stephen and I, and she gave me fair warning that she was bringing “magic” with her to help cheer me up.  I of course rolled my daughter eyes in that “Ohhh mom” kind of way.  But then she told me that on my birthday, I was instructed to wear my fanciest dress, so while I was feeling like a grump, I also knew, I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to dress up.

We celebrated our normal Christmas morning opening presents, mostly watching my poodle child, Rhett, open the presents for us as he tore back each wrapping paper for us.  While I know he’s a dog, I truly believe he is part human with all his funny antics and each day, he reminds me there is a piece of joy to laugh about.

Then it was off to get ready for the day and the surprises my mom couldn’t wait to begin.  As I walked down the stairs in my favorite frilly Betsey Johnson dress and hot pink bow shoes, I heard the door bell ring.  Who was joining us for Christmas, I wondered?

In walked Kate Davis, another Nashville photographer I hadn’t met yet.  My mom hired her to document the entire day.  So wait, Stephen and I don’t have to document it?  I can take off my photographer hat and let someone else do the job?  Cool.  I admit, I was impressed my mom sneakily found another photographer and booked her.  Kudos Mom.

Next I walked outside to see a limousine waiting in our driveway!  I couldn’t help but laugh when I realized my mom was recreating my 4th grade birthday party.  Back as a little girl, I had seen a movie where an average girl got transformed into a princess, and when my mom asked what kind of birthday party I wanted, I told her I wanted to be a princess for a day riding in a limo and picking up all my girlfriends along the way to go have my Debbie Gibson covered birthday cake at a fancy restaurant.  And that we did.

Fast forward back to this Christmas Day, and here we were again, limo awaiting to whisk away for a day of magic and recreating birthday dreams.  Again, kudos Mom, kudos.

The limo then whisked us away to my favorite hotel in Nashville called The Hermitage Hotel.  Not only do I love the architecture and beauty of the historic hotel, it had special meaning to me because the very first time my family came to Nashville as tourists, this is where we stayed with my dad.  I had a feeling deep down that this is where my mom was kidnapping me to… but… I didn’t want to ruin her surprise.

As we turned the corner and I saw the sign for the hotel, my heart fluttered.  All the memories of our first trip to Nashville came flooding back to me and I felt bittersweet knowing we were back at this place where my dad once was, and that he wasn’t here to celebrate with us this day.

As we pulled up, I saw a bellman holding a big bouquet of pink flowers and I thought “Awww, how cool, someone is getting flowers today!”  Then it hit me…. “Oh no….”

As I got out of the car, the bellman walked up and greeted me and told me he was holding 33 flowers and had a letter to read me on behalf of the hotel.  As he read the letter, tears began to fill my eyes as he read “We are happy to present these flowers to you on behalf of your father, Johnny Williams.”

Oh Lord….. where was my tissue?

After drying my eyes, we were then escorted to a table waiting covered with rose petals and a big birthday cake. The cake was not covered in Debbie Gibson this time, but it was chocolate with whipped cream frosting just like I had always liked.

We had an amazing brunch with first class service, and after taking a few Christmas photos in front of their big gorgeous tree, we headed back home.  But the day wasn’t over yet.  We spent the rest of the night driving around Nashville looking at all the magical Christmas lights.  I was sooo impressed how much people here in Nashville really put their heart and soul into bringing the magic of Christmas alive through the way they transform their homes into a colorful splendor of beauty and joy.  Some of the houses we saw had over 200,000 lights covering every inch of their property.

There was one house we got out of the limo to walk through their lit up masterpiece, and I remember standing there taking it all in… no Christmas bells were ringing… but in my heart, I felt like they were again.  I had felt bad for being such a grump in the weeks leading up Christmas day, because truly, I have so much to be thankful for.  Mostly importantly, I have so much love in my life, and that’s the greatest gift of all.

So what if I’m turning 33?  As Momma showed me that day, you are never too old experience the magic that each birthday brings.  Thank you Momma for a beautiful day.

Leave me a comment and let me know, what was a little moment of magic YOU experienced on Christmas day, or at some point in this Christmas season?

As I sit here and edit my photos for next week’s Outfit Of The Week… there’s a part of me that goes “Ahhh, I’ve definitely put on 20 pounds since our wedding day.”  Yet, there’s a bigger part of that goes “So what?  I’m not a size 2 and for the first time in my life, I’m ok with that.”

So much of my 20s, I spent way too much time in the gym, way too much time counting calories, way too much time fasting for all the wrong reasons, way too much energy trying to live up to the magazine covers that as a photographer I knew were mostly photoshopped anyways.  Yet, I was soooooo hard on myself playing the comparison game and thinking I had to look certain a way in order to be accepted in this world.  By peers.  By boys.  By my career.  By… myself.  I fell guilty of the “I’ll be super happy when I reach this number on the scale” mentality.  And you know what, I did reach that number a few times, and really, I wasn’t anymore happy.  I especially wasn’t happy when I got hit with a few thousand dollar medical bill after ending up in the emergency room for foolishly taking diet pills that made my heart race out of control during my mid-20s.  Sure, I lost weight, dangerously, and had to learn that lesson the hard way.  If anything I was more miserable everytime I lost weight because of all the restraints I put on myself to live up to something my body naturally wasn’t.

Around the time our of our wedding, I got down to wearing a size 2, but really, I’ve always been around a size 8 (on a good day!) (eek! Did I just confess that to you?) (Just being real with you here!). And I’ve finally decided in my 30s to embrace my curves.  My mom has them, her mom has them, my dad’s mom had them.  I didn’t come from a family of stick thin people.  I came from a family that genetically has curves and shares its best memories over a good Southern meal.  And instead of fighting my genetics, and my love of food, I’m now telling myself “It’s ok to love food, not hate it.”  I’ve had so many girlfriends in the past that only take 2 bites of their meal to claim “I’m stuffed,” when I know they weren’t. My heart would break for them knowing they were fighting the haunting fight that sadly most women fight inside their heads by determining our value based on a number on the scale.  I always swore I would never be that girl, yet had my moments.  But I’ve finally said enough, and if there’s one thing I learned from my dad’s life being cut too short is that, life is too short to not enjoy a good meal, and a good dessert (preferably a red velvet cupcake with cream cheese frosting!).  Not that we shouldn’t make healthy choices, but I’m talking about the beating yourself down for letting yourself indulge in that dang cookie.  Or cupcake.  Eat the dang cookie, or cupcake, and enjoy it without feeling guilty. And after having ex-boyfriends in the past tell me I needed to lose weight (hence why they are exes), I feel truly blessed to now be married to a man who loves me exactly like I am, a few extra pounds and all.  Everyday he tells me I’m beautiful, and mostly I fight back saying he’s lying because it’s often at times when I look my worst… but I secretly love knowing that I can look my worst and he still loves me anyways.

When I set out to start my boutique, I admit, I had those doubts creep in my head…. “But you’re not model thin like all those other fashion bloggers…. but you’re not a size 2 like on your wedding day…. but you’ll need to lose a few pounds before being able to do something in the fashion world.”  But then I kind of realized, you know what, because I’m not all those things, that’s kind of why I want to do it. I want to prove that true beauty is giving yourself permission to be beautiful exactly for who you are, not trying to be something exactly you aren’t. I want to show you through my clothing in the boutique that no matter what size you are, we can all be fashionable and feel good about who we are, not only the size 2’s of the world.  I want you to wear the clothes and have the confidence to conquer the world, whatever your mission may be. (And a few of you ladies have been giving great feedback that you’d like to see larger sizes available in the boutique!  I’m currently working with my designers to try to make that happen for my next inventory to stock, because I totally agree!)

So who’s with me ready to throw all the pressures we put on ourselves out the door and finally look in the mirror and love who we see?  Yes, cellulite and all.  (wink wink)

I want to see more girls and women stop hating themselves and instead let themselves LOVE exactly who God made you to be.  Because the truth is, you ARE beautiful.  You are are a gorgeous creation from the Creator of the world Himself.  Every freckle is there for a reason as part of his intricate design.  It’s ok to look in the mirror and give Him a big “Good job!” high five instead of dread and disgust and falling for the lies of the enemy that he loves to put in our head never feeling good enough.  You are loved and you are beautiful exactly as you are. Embrace it. The world needs you to let your light shine. So shine on girl!

Above is a sneak peek at my next Outfit Of The Week!  I’m wearing my absolute favorite item in my boutique, the Floral Ribbon Jacket with Pearl Beaded Collar.  Ahhhh, it’s so cozy and makes me feel like a classy lady and so worth the splurge, I promise.  It’s been keeping this born and bred Florida girl nice and warm on these new cold Nashville streets. Check back next week for that post to see how I wore it!

In the meantime….. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!  I am thankful for YOU and all the loving support you gave me with the debut of my new online boutique this week. I’m just a girl chasing a new dream and I couldn’t do it without you. Thank you for your friendship, and your love.  I pray you have a blessed Thanksgiving with lots of family, friends and food.  Remember… enjoy the dang dessert.

Woo hoo!  Stephen and I made it on ABC’s Nashville last night!  We were super bummed last week because most of the screen time we should been in got sent to the cutting room floor.  Stephen was supposed to have an up close scene with Rayna’s character, only to get cut.  And while you saw us as a blur in the background at the bar in the Bluebird Cafe, it was mostly neck down as you can see here (Stephen is bartender in flannel shirt, I’m holding a drink and clapping above Rayna’s head in cheetah top):

But THIS week, we got actual screen time!  Several times!  For 2 days, Stephen and I played “Backstage VIP” at the concerts of Luke Wheeler and Scarlett O’Connor.  You can see Stephen walking behind Rayna and Scarlett in this shot:

Here was the best shot of me in focus from the whole night.  As background actors, we weren’t allowed to actually talk, but instead do a trick called “pantomime” with each other, i.e. fake talking, ha!

The director told me to walk up to the stage entrance and take a selfie of my walking partner and I as Rayna walks past us.  It’s kind of blurry, but it was cool my selfie made the shot!

More pantomiming to the right below as Gunner walked by.  This episode was supposed to be two different nights, so I guess my VIP role got double the special treatment in the fake media world.

Hanging out watching the concert behind Gunner and Jeff.  I got to talk to Sam Palladio, who plays Gunner, a lot, and he was super nice.  In real life he is from England, and it’s crazy how he can switch from his natural British accent to Southern for the show.  It was also surreal standing behind Oliver Hudson who played Jeff, because I couldn’t help but think of him from my Dawson’s Creek obsession days.

Now the episode has aired, I am allowed to post some behind the scenes shots!  We weren’t allowed to take that many, and we definitely weren’t allowed to ask the actors for a photo, but here’s a few I could sneak in to show you what it’s like being on a television show set.

Below was my perspective of hanging out behind Gunner.  As you can see, the “stadium concert” was not actually a stadium.  It was a sound stage that they filled a few rows of people, and then green screened in the whole stadium.  TV magic.

My exclusive Luke Wheeler VIP pass.  So special.  Ha!  But I know, most of you girls are thinking, “If only it said Luke Bryan!”

The result of my “selfie” the director asked me to take as I walked up and past Rayna in a backstage shot.  In the shot you see the cameramen doing their thing.

So we filmed a lot in this tunnel that lead to the stage, but it got cut out of the episode.  These were my cool peeps I chatted with though in those scenes.

For a few scenes, I moved from backstage to the concert area to view it from a new perspective. 

The director in action giving his next instructions to Rayna and Maddie in this scene in the Bluebird Cafe from the first week we were on the show.  We didn’t film in the real Bluebird Cafe, they recreated every bit of it on a sound stage in a big warehouse on the outskirts of Nashville where most of the show is filmed.

The rustic boots the wardrobe department made me change into.  I personally liked my gold glitter heels that I arrived in better, but these boots grew on me.

The “private jet” most of the stars take on the show.

Rayna’s glam squad in between takes.  Those curls you see?  Yeah, not real.  They get curled literally in between every take.  And I mean, every take.  If only we had someone there to blot our oil and curl our hair every few minutes in real life…. ahhhhh a girl can dream.

And my name twin, Scarlett O’Connor’s red streaked hair.  I really liked her poofy red skirt and Steve Madden heels.

That’s all I got!  Being on the show was such an incredible experience.  As a professional photographer, it was fun to study the camera work they did with all the different shots, as well as squeal inside as a huge fan of the show when I saw certain actors.  Stephen and I also got to meet some incredible people and make lots of new friends here in this city we are so new in.   These are the only 2 episodes we’ll be in for now, but thanks for watching along and all the shoutouts online and texts when you saw us on the big screen.

When Stephen and I felt the nudge from God to drop our nets and move to Nashville, we literally took a leap of faith and followed His calling.  We were uncertain of what the next chapter held for us, whether we would keep doing photography in a new city, or start exploring other dreams.

Currently… while, yes, we are still doing photography, two other dreams are unfolding that have nothing to do with photography.  One, is something new I’m launching on my own, and you have to wait until November 25 to find out what it is, and those on my mailing list (you can sign up at the end o this post!) will be the FIRST to hear the big news straight in your inbox!

The other… I can FINALLY reveal.  It’s been killing me keeping this secret the past few weeks but we required to keep everything off social media.  But I can finally reveal…. Stephen and I will be on ABC’s Nashville TONIGHT!!!!

But first… let me prep you by saying, it will probably be a blink and you’ll miss it moment, but nonetheless… it all kind of began like this.

So in the midst of unpacking, Stephen saw an opportunity online for how we could go and be extras on the show.  To take a break from unpacking, we decided to go do it for a day just for the heck of it. It’s one of our favorite TV shows to watch together, so if anything we thought it would be fun to go see behind the scenes of the show.

We arrive and next thing we know, one of the casting directors points to Stephen and says “Let’s use him! Come with us!”  Stephen, half confused, then found out he was chosen to be a bartender in a scene at the Bluebird Cafe.  And I got to be a bar patron sitting right in front of him as one of the main characters walks up. That was my cue to scoot off the stool and his cue to take her order.  We also got to cheer on someone special who plays at the Bluebird Cafe in tonight’s episode, but you’ll have to watch to see how that storyline unfolds.

Below, here’s Stephen and I backstage on Day 1.  I got a laugh out of when the wardrobe stylist said the first thing that had to go was Stephen’s faux hawk, so they made him rewet it and do the comb over country boy look.  The next thing they did was throw this flannel shirt on him, and they made me get rid of my sparkly gold heels and trade them in for some boots.  At least they let me keep my cheetah blouse… at… least.

After that experience, we had so much fun and met so many cool people, that we decided to go in for another day they were looking for extras.  We were scheduled for a 3-day shoot to play backstage VIP at a concert. Except the first day, I couldn’t participate because, as I was getting a pedicure one day, I look down at my phone and see a number from Beverly Hills calling.  I answer it to be asked to come in separately to audition for the director of the show to play a specific featured extra part…. ummmm… wait… back up… excuse me…. the director picked MY headshot to come in and audition?  I nearly fainted.

This was the day I auditioned, nervous as heck, but I can conquer anything with red lipstick:

And while I found out I didn’t get the part, just the thrill of being asked to audition in front of THE director of a hit TV show… yeah, bucket list item checked off!

The next two days, I joined Stephen as backstage VIP, and you might be able to see us standing right off the stage in next week’s episode!  While watching the CMA Awards last week, we saw this shot of Stephen in between the two stars of the show in their promo video of what’s coming up on Nashville!  We of course nearly fainted but jumped up and down when we saw this.  Such an exciting moment!  This was one of many takes of us that was shot of us backstage, so keep your eyes peeled for more, and hopefully in a little more focus!  I was told by the director that for one of the shots, where I pass by the character Rayna, they were starting the camera in focus on me and another guy I was walking with in the hallway… he then told me to act excited to be walking into this concert and to take a “selfie” as I walked up… I laughed and said ,”Well you’ve asked the right person!” #guilty #selfiequeen

Leave me a comment here on the blog and let me know if you see us tonight or next week!

Lastly, while Momma was in town, we took her to a benefit concert the cast was playing for a crew member fighting cancer, and that night we got to get a pic with the guy who plays Deacon on the show, Charles Esten (who goes by Chip!)  We weren’t allowed to grab pics with the stars on set, so we were excited to finally get to grab a photo with Chip, who was by far our favorite and kindest cast member we met.  Such a gracious and caring guy, even to the “extras”. And what’s crazy is, while he plays a dark and tortured soul on the show, in person, he’s actually super funny and lighthearted!

The coolest thing that resulted from all of this… Stephen and I were talking about our childhood dreams… and how I was super involved in the drama club and minored in Theater in college… and how he was once with an agent and pursued acting in California…. so we decided, you know what, what if we pursued getting an agent here in Nashville and see what happens?  If anything, it could be a fun side thing…. and a few weeks ago we were excited to get signed by one of Nashville’s best agents, Josh Robbins of BNA Talent Group, who was actually looking for a married couple to add to his roster…. and today in fact, we are on set filming our first acting gig in a national broadcast commercial!  Can’t reveal much details now, but more soon after it airs!

This whole acting thing is definitely the last thing I ever expected to get into again… but I guess it’s all part of this new chapter in a new city.  I continue to wait expectantly at each new door God continues to open and surprise me with…. and I can’t wait to reveal my NEXT big news to you on November 25 to all those exclusively on my mailing list!  Sign up below to be the first to find out what it is!!!