It was a chapter of my life I thought I was done with for good. But then in November I felt the Lord nudge me to pick up my camera again and start creating memories for others again like the old days. These past few months have been such a beautiful reminder of how God instills gifts in each of us and though sometimes we might need a break from using those gifts, when we embrace them again, there is so much more beauty yet to come from allowing the Lord to work through our uniquely designed gifts.
To all my returning clients and new clients who have hired me in this new chapter of Scarlett Lillian Photography, thank you for supporting my gift and choosing me to preserve these precious memories for your family.
I invite everyone to visit my new website launch at http://scarlettlillianphotography.com and share it with any friends you know of that might need a portrait photographer! 🥰
As divided as this country has felt in recent events, I think we can all agree on one thing: the year 2020 was a wild ride for all of us. A lot has changed from my last blog entry in early 2020 to now, so here’s a recap of the twists and turns that had me quiet on the blog this past year, and the exciting changes ahead.
In a bible study with friends I was in at the beginning of last year, I remember a friend saying their goal was they wanted “clarity” because, afterall, 2020 is perfect vision. And I tagged along to that goal because it was something I so desperately wanted in my life as well as I found myself struggling a lot with what was next for my own hopes and dreams to use the gifts the Lord has given me.
You see, in the throws of new motherhood the past 4 years, I just wanted something for “me” again careerwise outside of motherhood. So when I saw an opportunity to receive a scholarship to get my real estate license, I jumped on it, because it seemed like the perfect solution to use my entrepreneur skills again and combine my love of homes and helping others. In the whirlwind of a few months last summer through the end of the year, I got my license, started full-time hours with a brokerage, hustled my butt off and sold $2 million in sales… and then, in the blink of a weekend, due to some personal family developments that suddenly required me to be back home full time with my kids again, my short lived real estate career was over as quickly as it began. Sigh……..
I was back to square one. With the turn of events, during my time back home again, I kept asking God “Now what?” While sure, I could have tried to find a way to continue real estate maybe part time, really, taking a breather from it only revealed to me that I honestly didn’t miss it and didn’t really want to continue doing it. And that’s ok. It was an adventure I tried and I’m grateful for the time I got to dip my toes into it, but the more I prayed about it while back home with my kids, I gained clarity that it just wasn’t what my heart wanted to continue pursuing anymore.
At the beginning of 2021, I began 40-day prayer fast to continue seeking clarity for this coming year. And the more I kept pressing in to God’s heart asking “Now what?,” His answer kept pointing me back to the one very thing deep in my heart that I kept running from for years. All I kept hearing from Him about this one thing was: “It’s time.”
As in… it was time to publish my book. My poor sweet book that I wrote once upon a time and honestly never gained the courage to actually try to publish it. It was this beautiful clump of words I poured my heart into in my season before motherhood where I was on a desperate search to find hope in the face of my unwanted circumstance that infertility put me in. As I desperately tried to to understand God’s greater purpose in that season of my ache and frustration of unanswered prayers, I began documenting my journey to fight for faith in this book, in hopes that maybe one day, it could help at least one other person out there who was also struggling with their faith.
Though it has been years later, I still thought often about how God gave me those written words to help bless other people currently in their season of questioning His goodness as they wait for prayers to be answered. Meanwhile, my abandoned book just sat as a file on my hard drive… because of all my excuses in the world… but mostly… because of my lack of bravery of putting my heart on the line for the world to read. That raw vulnerable ache I once felt waiting and waiting and waiting on the Lord, and all the ugly cries that poured from heart during the wait.
As I faced the crossroads recently that lead me back home to my family, and with the divine timing of meeting of a new friend now in that season I once was, God whispered into my heart:
“Remember those words I wrote through you all those years ago? Don’t forget the others out there who are now in that place of waiting for My promises to be fulfilled. The others out there who need your words in your book to be encouraged that I have not forgotten them either in their valley the way you once felt in yours. That there IS hope for them in this season when their faith is barren. It’s time for you to surrender your fears, and let Me take the words I wrote through you into the hearts of those who need it most. Let’s start 2021 moving forward on this again.”
Ok, Lord, I’m listening. I’m finally listening, and choosing to say back to You as bravely as Mary once spoke: “I am the servant of the Lord. Let this happen to me as you say!” (Luke 1:38 NCV)
If there’s anything I’ve learned from my journey with God, it’s that when He takes things away, it’s because it’s just the beginning of an even better blessing on the way. Because after all, He gives us Romans 8:28, where He has promised us that in ALL things, He works for the good of those who love Him.
So, now, I write this blog entry to ask you, friend, to keep me accountable in prayer. I write this to share with you my fears that I’m determined to conquer to fulfill this vision the Lord once laid upon my heart to help others through the words He wrote through me in my upcoming book “The Ugly Cry: Hope For When Your Faith Is Barren.” I’ve been working diligently behind the scenes during my kid’s nap times to take steps toward self-publishing my book, and I look forward to the day very soon that I can share with you that it’s available! If you want to be the first to know when it’s available for reading, make sure to jump on my mailing list where you’ll also receive a free sneak peek excerpt from the book.
And if you’d like to be a part of my launch team for my book, leave a comment here on the blog or shoot me a DM. I don’t know exactly what that entails yet on your part, but I know I won’t be able to do this alone. I’m counting on you to help me get across that finish line to give birth to this dream and help get my words of hope into the hands of those who need it most.
I haven’t been blogging lately as I’ve stepped back to see how this whole virus thing unfolded. In a time of international pandemic, sharing with you my journey to get a book published seems so frivolous and non-important, and it’s the last thing I want to fill up your inbox.
Yesterday, while on a walk with my kiddos to get some fresh air, I asked God “What in the world is going on in the world right now?” I’ve seen all kinds of responses in my newsfeed to this virus from this being the end times to this just being nothing more than an over-exaggerated bad cold. I know all of us have so many questions we need answers to about the bigger picture of this pandemic. And while God was silent with me when I asked my question, what He was not silent about was that I must keep choosing faith over fear. That our family must keep walking by faith not by sight. And if there’s anything any of the valleys we’ve already been through have taught me, it’s that even in the lowest points of life, He is still there, and He is STILL GOOD.
A song from my childhood keeps replaying in my head as I read each new daily headline: “He’s got the whole world, in His hands, He’s got the whole wide world, in His hands, He’s got the whole world, in His hands, He’s got the whole world in His hands.”
So when my anxiety wants to flare up with so much uncertainty of what’s ahead for all of us, I revert back to that childhood song. As my restlessness stirs with all this social distancing and not even being allowed to take my kids to the playground a block away from us, I revert back to my childhood and spread out an old school slip-n-slide slathered in dish soap in the backyard for them, and give them my gardening tools to play in the dirt sandbox style. And when my worries want to take over my brain, I think back to when I was a kid, and it wasn’t my job to worry, but my parent’s job on how to provide for our family in the toughest of times. And I know I can lean on that same certainty with my Heavenly Father.
The beautiful thing I have seen come out of this social distancing change in our daily lives is this… Jesus is bringing families back together. In an over-distracted busy world where everything pulls at our attention and distances us from those we love most, I see families outside taking walks. I see families outside gardening together. I see families in my feed homeschooling. I see families in my neighborhood loving thy neighbor and helping to provide things that are gone off the store shelves. I see families in my feed cooking together and eating around the dinner table again. Even my own family… because we are far too guilty of not eating together as often as we should. Just the other morning, after making homemade waffles, Bara Faith asked to be the one to pray over our breakfast we were sitting down to eat together. And her prayer was sweet and simple and pierced my heart: “Dear Jesus, thank you for my family. Amen.”
So my faith chooses to dwell on the good that has come out of all of this. My faith chooses to trump the fears and pray for all those I love.
And because of everything swirling around in the world, I’ve decided to put my book adventures on hold indefinitely. Maybe when all of this is over, I might be inspired to write again, but right now, there are more important things on the forefront of my mind that need my attention, like spending time with my family.
A few things might look different around here. I updated the look of this blog a little bit because we sold and moved away from the farmhouse that had inspired the last round of branding of this blog a few years ago.
Life has slowed down for me in the world of blogging since Jackson arrived last year, because when God surprised us by doubling our blessing and I became a mom of #2under2 starting over all the sleepless newborn nights, I just couldn’t keep up blogging and had to learn to let go of some things. In making a few updates to the blog, I realized I didn’t even have any photos of him on my blog in the year that he’s been here (#momfail). As much as I like to think I am Superwoman, I’ve realized very quickly with two toddlers that I am nowhere close, and I just simply can’t do it all. (And to all the mom bloggers out there who do blog frequently, you are officially Supermom in my eyes because I don’t know how you do it all.)
Now that we are moved into our new house, I’m going to officially take some time off from blogging to reevaluate some new dreams stirring in my heart and take time to simply be still and know that God is God. With the energy of toddlers swirling around me all day every day, I don’t take enough time these days to do just that… be still. And listen to where He is leading me next. Some days I just want nothing more but to be a stay at home mom, and other days, I still have so many #girlboss dreams and gifts I want to fulfill. So it’s my time to step back from all the things that distract me, and lean in a little closer to Jesus’ heart so that I can understand my own.
“Be still and know that I am God.”
-Psalm 46:10
I’m still active on my Instagram though, so you can stay up to date with me over there! Forewarning, I post way too many stories of my kids and all their cuteness. You’ve been warned. 😜 But I’m also starting to post new photos of how I’m decorating our new house, so I promise there’s more to my feed.
What once started as a blog to share my photoshoots as a photographer, turned into sharing personal stories about life and faith, turned into adding a little bit of fashion and home decor and leading into our adoption story as I journeyed through the waiting years to become a mom. The other day an online friend told me she has been following my different blogs for 13 years, that she feels like she’s watched me grow up, and it blows my mind that it’s been that long that you and I have journeyed together sharing our hearts across this world wide web. The world of blogging has really changed in all of that time, and I’m honestly not sure I want to continue doing it when it’s just way easier to update my Instagram. I might be back in 2 months, I might never touch this blog again, but for now I’m giving myself permission to say, it’s ok to let go of what once was to explore the possibility of what could be. For those who are still here with me reading this, thank you for being a part of my constantly changing world.
