As I sit here and edit my photos for next week’s Outfit Of The Week… there’s a part of me that goes “Ahhh, I’ve definitely put on 20 pounds since our wedding day.”  Yet, there’s a bigger part of that goes “So what?  I’m not a size 2 and for the first time in my life, I’m ok with that.”

So much of my 20s, I spent way too much time in the gym, way too much time counting calories, way too much time fasting for all the wrong reasons, way too much energy trying to live up to the magazine covers that as a photographer I knew were mostly photoshopped anyways.  Yet, I was soooooo hard on myself playing the comparison game and thinking I had to look certain a way in order to be accepted in this world.  By peers.  By boys.  By my career.  By… myself.  I fell guilty of the “I’ll be super happy when I reach this number on the scale” mentality.  And you know what, I did reach that number a few times, and really, I wasn’t anymore happy.  I especially wasn’t happy when I got hit with a few thousand dollar medical bill after ending up in the emergency room for foolishly taking diet pills that made my heart race out of control during my mid-20s.  Sure, I lost weight, dangerously, and had to learn that lesson the hard way.  If anything I was more miserable everytime I lost weight because of all the restraints I put on myself to live up to something my body naturally wasn’t.

Around the time our of our wedding, I got down to wearing a size 2, but really, I’ve always been around a size 8 (on a good day!) (eek! Did I just confess that to you?) (Just being real with you here!). And I’ve finally decided in my 30s to embrace my curves.  My mom has them, her mom has them, my dad’s mom had them.  I didn’t come from a family of stick thin people.  I came from a family that genetically has curves and shares its best memories over a good Southern meal.  And instead of fighting my genetics, and my love of food, I’m now telling myself “It’s ok to love food, not hate it.”  I’ve had so many girlfriends in the past that only take 2 bites of their meal to claim “I’m stuffed,” when I know they weren’t. My heart would break for them knowing they were fighting the haunting fight that sadly most women fight inside their heads by determining our value based on a number on the scale.  I always swore I would never be that girl, yet had my moments.  But I’ve finally said enough, and if there’s one thing I learned from my dad’s life being cut too short is that, life is too short to not enjoy a good meal, and a good dessert (preferably a red velvet cupcake with cream cheese frosting!).  Not that we shouldn’t make healthy choices, but I’m talking about the beating yourself down for letting yourself indulge in that dang cookie.  Or cupcake.  Eat the dang cookie, or cupcake, and enjoy it without feeling guilty. And after having ex-boyfriends in the past tell me I needed to lose weight (hence why they are exes), I feel truly blessed to now be married to a man who loves me exactly like I am, a few extra pounds and all.  Everyday he tells me I’m beautiful, and mostly I fight back saying he’s lying because it’s often at times when I look my worst… but I secretly love knowing that I can look my worst and he still loves me anyways.

When I set out to start my boutique, I admit, I had those doubts creep in my head…. “But you’re not model thin like all those other fashion bloggers…. but you’re not a size 2 like on your wedding day…. but you’ll need to lose a few pounds before being able to do something in the fashion world.”  But then I kind of realized, you know what, because I’m not all those things, that’s kind of why I want to do it. I want to prove that true beauty is giving yourself permission to be beautiful exactly for who you are, not trying to be something exactly you aren’t. I want to show you through my clothing in the boutique that no matter what size you are, we can all be fashionable and feel good about who we are, not only the size 2’s of the world.  I want you to wear the clothes and have the confidence to conquer the world, whatever your mission may be. (And a few of you ladies have been giving great feedback that you’d like to see larger sizes available in the boutique!  I’m currently working with my designers to try to make that happen for my next inventory to stock, because I totally agree!)

So who’s with me ready to throw all the pressures we put on ourselves out the door and finally look in the mirror and love who we see?  Yes, cellulite and all.  (wink wink)

I want to see more girls and women stop hating themselves and instead let themselves LOVE exactly who God made you to be.  Because the truth is, you ARE beautiful.  You are are a gorgeous creation from the Creator of the world Himself.  Every freckle is there for a reason as part of his intricate design.  It’s ok to look in the mirror and give Him a big “Good job!” high five instead of dread and disgust and falling for the lies of the enemy that he loves to put in our head never feeling good enough.  You are loved and you are beautiful exactly as you are. Embrace it. The world needs you to let your light shine. So shine on girl!

Above is a sneak peek at my next Outfit Of The Week!  I’m wearing my absolute favorite item in my boutique, the Floral Ribbon Jacket with Pearl Beaded Collar.  Ahhhh, it’s so cozy and makes me feel like a classy lady and so worth the splurge, I promise.  It’s been keeping this born and bred Florida girl nice and warm on these new cold Nashville streets. Check back next week for that post to see how I wore it!

In the meantime….. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!  I am thankful for YOU and all the loving support you gave me with the debut of my new online boutique this week. I’m just a girl chasing a new dream and I couldn’t do it without you. Thank you for your friendship, and your love.  I pray you have a blessed Thanksgiving with lots of family, friends and food.  Remember… enjoy the dang dessert.