Author: Scarlett Lillian

AND THE LAUNCH DATE IS…

Eek! What a beautiful response I received to my last blog entry announcing my upcoming book “The Ugly Cry: Hope For When Your Faith is Barren.” To all who left comments here and on social media and messaged me privately, my heart is bursting with your loving support. 💗

Just over 7 years ago, it was a stormy night when Stephen and I were briefly living in Nashville and I told him “I’m heading out to the bookstore.”

“But why right now? It’s dark and storming out there,” he questioned.

“Because that’s the exact condition my heart is in, and I need help,” I told him.

On that dark thundering Nashville night, I went to a bookstore desperately looking for the kind of book my heart needed in that moment when my faith was shattering into a million pieces questioning everything I ever believed in. I had reached a breaking point of disappointment in waiting on God for the one very thing I was believing all these years for, that everyone around me was being blessed with, that I simply felt overlooked and forgotten about. So in the midst of that stormy Nashville night, I set out to find a book that could help give me some kind of hope while I felt stuck in my unwanted circumstance. As my fingers scrolled over the spines of nothing jumping out at me, I joked to myself “I guess I’m just going to have that write that book I can’t find.”

As I waited for the rain to let up outside, I made my way over to the coffee shop of the bookstore and sat there starting to type on my iPhone’s Notes app all the things my aching heart felt at the moment, all the answers I wanted from God in the midst of His silent season with me. In the months that followed, my words moved to my laptop, as I started digging into God’s word for some kind of glimmer of light in the mist of what felt like the darkest season of my faith. As I journeyed through each month of disappointment, I kept writing and writing documenting the glimpses Jesus was showing me of how His heart actually loved me most in the midst of my mess of ugly cries. And before I knew it, it became a full 19 chapter book I had given birth to, that I appropriately titled “The Ugly Cry,” because most of this book was written with tears streaming down my face as God slowly put back together the pieces of my broken faith through His redeeming love.

Then, all of a sudden, it was His perfect timing and God moved quickly fulfilling the desires of my heart, not once but twice, and my world got turned upside down overwhelmed by my double blessings. And my book sat there for now almost 5 years untouched. Until now.

The past few months, I have been putting all the finishing touches on everything, and I’m excited to announce that my book now has an {official launch date of April 1!} So mark your calendars!

However, for those on my blog’s mailing list, you will get the opportunity to PRE-ORDER my book BEFORE anyone else, so if you haven’t signed up yet, add your name to the list here so I can slide into your inbox with all the pre-order details! (You also get a free excerpt from one of my chapters just for signing up! Yay!)

🎉 And the next exciting news today is…. drum roll please… I’m excited to share with you a sneak peek of my book cover! It’s officially official, y’all! 🎉

I can’t wait to share even more with you soon! So jump on the list! 🥰

VISION IS 2020

As divided as this country has felt in recent events, I think we can all agree on one thing: the year 2020 was a wild ride for all of us. A lot has changed from my last blog entry in early 2020 to now, so here’s a recap of the twists and turns that had me quiet on the blog this past year, and the exciting changes ahead.

In a bible study with friends I was in at the beginning of last year, I remember a friend saying their goal was they wanted “clarity” because, afterall, 2020 is perfect vision. And I tagged along to that goal because it was something I so desperately wanted in my life as well as I found myself struggling a lot with what was next for my own hopes and dreams to use the gifts the Lord has given me.

You see, in the throws of new motherhood the past 4 years, I just wanted something for “me” again careerwise outside of motherhood. So when I saw an opportunity to receive a scholarship to get my real estate license, I jumped on it, because it seemed like the perfect solution to use my entrepreneur skills again and combine my love of homes and helping others. In the whirlwind of a few months last summer through the end of the year, I got my license, started full-time hours with a brokerage, hustled my butt off and sold $2 million in sales… and then, in the blink of a weekend, due to some personal family developments that suddenly required me to be back home full time with my kids again, my short lived real estate career was over as quickly as it began. Sigh……..

I was back to square one. With the turn of events, during my time back home again, I kept asking God “Now what?” While sure, I could have tried to find a way to continue real estate maybe part time, really, taking a breather from it only revealed to me that I honestly didn’t miss it and didn’t really want to continue doing it. And that’s ok. It was an adventure I tried and I’m grateful for the time I got to dip my toes into it, but the more I prayed about it while back home with my kids, I gained clarity that it just wasn’t what my heart wanted to continue pursuing anymore.

At the beginning of 2021, I began 40-day prayer fast to continue seeking clarity for this coming year. And the more I kept pressing in to God’s heart asking “Now what?,” His answer kept pointing me back to the one very thing deep in my heart that I kept running from for years. All I kept hearing from Him about this one thing was: “It’s time.”

As in… it was time to publish my book. My poor sweet book that I wrote once upon a time and honestly never gained the courage to actually try to publish it. It was this beautiful clump of words I poured my heart into in my season before motherhood where I was on a desperate search to find hope in the face of my unwanted circumstance that infertility put me in. As I desperately tried to to understand God’s greater purpose in that season of my ache and frustration of unanswered prayers, I began documenting my journey to fight for faith in this book, in hopes that maybe one day, it could help at least one other person out there who was also struggling with their faith.

Though it has been years later, I still thought often about how God gave me those written words to help bless other people currently in their season of questioning His goodness as they wait for prayers to be answered. Meanwhile, my abandoned book just sat as a file on my hard drive… because of all my excuses in the world… but mostly… because of my lack of bravery of putting my heart on the line for the world to read. That raw vulnerable ache I once felt waiting and waiting and waiting on the Lord, and all the ugly cries that poured from heart during the wait.

As I faced the crossroads recently that lead me back home to my family, and with the divine timing of meeting of a new friend now in that season I once was, God whispered into my heart:

“Remember those words I wrote through you all those years ago? Don’t forget the others out there who are now in that place of waiting for My promises to be fulfilled. The others out there who need your words in your book to be encouraged that I have not forgotten them either in their valley the way you once felt in yours. That there IS hope for them in this season when their faith is barren. It’s time for you to surrender your fears, and let Me take the words I wrote through you into the hearts of those who need it most. Let’s start 2021 moving forward on this again.”

Ok, Lord, I’m listening. I’m finally listening, and choosing to say back to You as bravely as Mary once spoke: “I am the servant of the Lord. Let this happen to me as you say!” (Luke 1:38 NCV)

If there’s anything I’ve learned from my journey with God, it’s that when He takes things away, it’s because it’s just the beginning of an even better blessing on the way. Because after all, He gives us Romans 8:28, where He has promised us that in ALL things, He works for the good of those who love Him.

So, now, I write this blog entry to ask you, friend, to keep me accountable in prayer. I write this to share with you my fears that I’m determined to conquer to fulfill this vision the Lord once laid upon my heart to help others through the words He wrote through me in my upcoming book “The Ugly Cry: Hope For When Your Faith Is Barren.” I’ve been working diligently behind the scenes during my kid’s nap times to take steps toward self-publishing my book, and I look forward to the day very soon that I can share with you that it’s available! If you want to be the first to know when it’s available for reading, make sure to jump on my mailing list where you’ll also receive a free sneak peek excerpt from the book.

And if you’d like to be a part of my launch team for my book, leave a comment here on the blog or shoot me a DM. I don’t know exactly what that entails yet on your part, but I know I won’t be able to do this alone. I’m counting on you to help me get across that finish line to give birth to this dream and help get my words of hope into the hands of those who need it most.

FAITH OVER FEAR

I haven’t been blogging lately as I’ve stepped back to see how this whole virus thing unfolded. In a time of international pandemic, sharing with you my journey to get a book published seems so frivolous and non-important, and it’s the last thing I want to fill up your inbox.

Yesterday, while on a walk with my kiddos to get some fresh air, I asked God “What in the world is going on in the world right now?” I’ve seen all kinds of responses in my newsfeed to this virus from this being the end times to this just being nothing more than an over-exaggerated bad cold. I know all of us have so many questions we need answers to about the bigger picture of this pandemic. And while God was silent with me when I asked my question, what He was not silent about was that I must keep choosing faith over fear. That our family must keep walking by faith not by sight. And if there’s anything any of the valleys we’ve already been through have taught me, it’s that even in the lowest points of life, He is still there, and He is STILL GOOD.

A song from my childhood keeps replaying in my head as I read each new daily headline: “He’s got the whole world, in His hands, He’s got the whole wide world, in His hands, He’s got the whole world, in His hands, He’s got the whole world in His hands.”

So when my anxiety wants to flare up with so much uncertainty of what’s ahead for all of us, I revert back to that childhood song. As my restlessness stirs with all this social distancing and not even being allowed to take my kids to the playground a block away from us, I revert back to my childhood and spread out an old school slip-n-slide slathered in dish soap in the backyard for them, and give them my gardening tools to play in the dirt sandbox style. And when my worries want to take over my brain, I think back to when I was a kid, and it wasn’t my job to worry, but my parent’s job on how to provide for our family in the toughest of times. And I know I can lean on that same certainty with my Heavenly Father.

The beautiful thing I have seen come out of this social distancing change in our daily lives is this… Jesus is bringing families back together. In an over-distracted busy world where everything pulls at our attention and distances us from those we love most, I see families outside taking walks. I see families outside gardening together. I see families in my feed homeschooling. I see families in my neighborhood loving thy neighbor and helping to provide things that are gone off the store shelves. I see families in my feed cooking together and eating around the dinner table again. Even my own family… because we are far too guilty of not eating together as often as we should. Just the other morning, after making homemade waffles, Bara Faith asked to be the one to pray over our breakfast we were sitting down to eat together. And her prayer was sweet and simple and pierced my heart: “Dear Jesus, thank you for my family. Amen.”

So my faith chooses to dwell on the good that has come out of all of this. My faith chooses to trump the fears and pray for all those I love.

And because of everything swirling around in the world, I’ve decided to put my book adventures on hold indefinitely. Maybe when all of this is over, I might be inspired to write again, but right now, there are more important things on the forefront of my mind that need my attention, like spending time with my family.

May you and your own family stay safe.

AT A CROSSROADS

When it comes to publishing a printed book, I’m learning there’s a few different routes you can choose to take. And here’s what I know at this point in the journey of my research on how someone can get their book published:

  1. Find a literary agent, who finds a publisher, who gives you some advance check to write the whole book idea you proposed, you finish writing the book, it gets published, it lands on book shelves, you go on book tours, the publisher takes care of the marketing for you and you become a living breathing published author. (The dream! ha!)
  2. Finish writing the entire book hoping something will come of it, self-publish it, put it on Amazon, promote it to your network, hope people buy it after all your hard work and leave nice 5-star reviews about it on Amazon.

Both routes, sound equally intimidating. And I have no idea which route I should pursue.

Route #1 sounds the easiest, leave it to the experts… but is it truly that easy to even land an agent? Like what are the odds that someone will take me seriously to even consider my pitch? And pay me an advance that says “Here, we believe in you!”? And will the net profits and royalties to follow be worth it all after everyone takes their cut?

Route #2 gives me all the control. I like having control. I like having all the profits. But do I have what it takes to really market the heck out of this thing to make it worth all the upfront work of finishing the book, figuring out how to print it, marketing it, and all the logistical business headaches involved in the self-publishing industry. And will a real publisher ever consider it down the road once it’s been self-published?

So I’m at a standstill looking at this crossroads. And it’s been part of my delay in moving forward with finishing writing my book over the years. Because I just don’t know which is the better route to take.

But I’m doing my research on both sides, before I make any firm decision.

Years ago when I was a photographer, I self-published an industry related book, so that route feels more familiar.

But I’ve never been one to choose what’s comfortable. I’ve always tried to live my life saying ‘What IF?’ Like, what IF God has something bigger in store for me than I can not see with my own eyes?

And right now I’m staring down the path of “What IF I could actually land a literary agent? What IF that literary agent could actually land me a a real publishing deal? What IF one day, I could walk in a Barnes & Noble and see my book, like, *my* actual book, sitting on a book shelf next to the Beth Moore’s and Lysa Terkheurst’s of the world?”

And while staring at this crossroads, route #1 seems like the impossible path, because, hello, Beth & Lysa are so much cooler than me. But at the same time, I know that MY God is THE God of all things impossible. That’s the business He’s in.

And that’s part of why I love Him so much. 😏

Because He loves to challenge me to grow my faith through my challenging of Him to turn the impossible into possible.

Because that’s exactly Who Phillipians 4:13 tells me Who He is.

So I choose to believe it. And my faith keeps me walking down the narrow paths of impossibility on this great adventure He keeps drawing me into. And it’s the core of the very reason I have always loved this song by Hillsong:

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior