I AM A MOTHER.

A very special thank you to Ginny Hobbs for taking this photo I treasure so dearly with my poodlechild, Rhett, & my daughter, Bara Faith, underneath our Magnolia tree on our farm.

Three months ago today, on April 26, 2016, my sweet daughter, Bara Faith (pronounced bear-ah), arrived into the world a month early, and last week on July 21, 2016, we stood in front of a judge vowing to love her forever as we finalized her adoption.

Up to this point my blog entries have been about my journey to motherhood during the tear-filled grieving waiting seasons of our infertility struggles, and during the journey of our adoption process.  But now I can say it, what I have longed to say after 5 years of the wanting and waiting… I. Am. A. Mother.

I feel like I have had so much to say along the way about my beginnings days of motherhood, a little bit I have shared on my Instagram for those who have been following our story, but then time blinked and she’s already 3 months. These past 12 weeks have been a whirlwind of so much joy, exhaustion, colic, smiles, feeling like a zombie, tears of joy holding her while dancing in the kitchen that I finally have my promised child in my arms, and more exhaustion.

One thing I keep thinking in the midst of it all is, “I can’t believe all those years ago, I used to not want to adopt.” I look at her sweet face all the time, and as she smiles back at me, I think how grateful I am that God stirred my heart to be open to it and all the beauty that has occurred since taking that step of faith.

I remember in the past hearing/reading about other’s adoption stories and thinking, “Oh that’s nice for them, I could never do that, let alone afford that.” Adoption always seemed like it was meant for “other” people. And I especially didn’t want to do it as a last resort in our journey to parenthood if it became our only option. I knew if we were ever called to adopt in the midst of our fertility struggles that I wanted it to be something we were intentionally choosing. To be able to tell a child one day, “We chose to bring you in our family,” not just, “you were our last resort.” So last year as we stood at the crossroads of, do we try more fertility treatments, or do we open the door to adoption, we chose adoption. I remember standing at the beginning of it feeling it was huge mountain in front of me that seemed impossible to climb. But slowly, beautiful heart by beautiful heart, God sent people in my path to help answer all my hard questions, to send referrals and resources, and not to mention the countless number of people He sent who gave and helped us fund the adoption.

Now I look at this precious face everyday in such awe that God would choose us to be her parents.

That her birthparents would choose us of everyone in the world to give her the best life possible.

That I get this privilege to raise her to know Jesus and share His love with the world. I always want her life story to be one that brings hope to others, and I always want to be an open book to those who might be considering about the adoption process and have questions. If you are someone considering adoption, but need someone to talk to heart to heart about it, I welcome you to email me and introduce yourself and share with me your story. No, adoption is not for everyone, but for everyone who adopts, it is absolutely indescribably life changing. And the best decision I ever made.God’s word says in Psalm 127:3 that “Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him.” Thank you Jesus for keeping Your promise when You told me 5 years ago that You would create a baby girl for me. She is my most precious gift.

For all the longing over the years, I’m learning very quickly that motherhood is a hard exhausting job, yet the most rewarding. Leave me a comment below and tell me what your favorite thing about motherhood is that has been so rewarding for you. So far for me, it’s when I walk into a room and she turns her head to look at me and then smiles. Though I didn’t carry her myself, the way she recognizes me as her Momma and shows me through her smile how happy she is as my daughter, it melts my momma heart everytime!