THE MARATHON RACE TOWARD MOTHERHOOD.

Crossing the victory line in 2010 of the first and only marathon I will ever run!

Below is a video of the time 5 years I ran a marathon.

Let me repeat that… I, Scarlett Lillian, ran a marathon.

Those are words I never ever ever thought I would hear, but yet, I did it.  I actually did it.  I’ve barely run since that day 5 years ago, but I can say it’s something I marked off my bucket list.

Back when I ran the marathon, I did it in memory of my dad who passed exactly one year to the day before the race.  I also did it honor of my mom and Grandma who are both breast cancer survivors.  But I also did it for every loved one of someone who left a comment on my old blog or donated to the money I raised to run the race.  I knew if I was going to cross the victory line, I had to make the race more than about myself, but for other people.  That’s what gave me the drive to keep pushing through the pain when it got to that point in the race that I wanted to give up.

After not watching the video since I blogged it back then, recently I decided to rewatch it.  I knew it was a season where I needed to be reminded of the great and powerful things God and I accomplished together, because, as not a natural runner, I know it was only through His strength that I was able to accomplish it.  I simply needed to be reminded that yes, I have had that kind of victory in my life.  I knew back then, if I could run a marathon, in the future, I was capable of achieving anything I set my mind to.

As I rewatched the video now all this time later, I cried partially remembering how much physical pain I was in, knowing it was nothing compared to the pain my dad was in in his last days before lung cancer took his life.  But this time around, a floodgate of tears opened at the end of the video thinking of the all the unexpected pain the race to motherhood has caused me the past 4 years. Watching the marathon video, I feel like it was God’s way of saying, “This race was only the beginning to prepare you for the greater marathon ahead.”  And ever since finding out years ago that we would have struggles to start a family, I sure feel like I’ve been on a never ending marathon in my faith.  So many highs and lows, so many numbing moments, so many “I can do this!” hopeful moments that quickly change to “I just want to give up” deep depressing moments. And now, similar to the marathon, I’ve got all these miles behind me and I just want to see the dang victory line.  I can’t see the victory line just yet, but I KNOW it’s there because people tell me it’s there up ahead!  However, for right now, all I can see is the huge hill in front of me, like my marathon race had at the end of the last mile we had to climb before crossing over the finish line.  Right now, life just feels stuck in “all I see is the huge hill” mode when I so desperately just want to see the finish line so I can know all this pain, all this numbness, all these tears will one day soon end.

Yet, that’s not how God works.  Instead, He gives us promises, He gives us hope through other’s stories, He gives us cheerleaders on the sidelines encouraging us and praying for us while He simply asks us to keep taking one more step… and another… and another step… and just one more.  And with each step along the way, He promises to be there with us.  To find our strength through our joy in Him, and Him alone.  It’s not about finding joy in crossing our finish line, though what a glorious victory that always is.  But… to simply find joy in absolutely nothing but… Him.

So meanwhile… I keep pushing forward.  I keep clinging to the faith that while I can’t see the victory line with my own eyes, that through God’s promises and the beautiful stories you tell me of your own struggles to start a family that ended with a happy ending against all odds, that the victory line IS there. So thank you for being a cheerleader on my sidelines keeping me reminded of God’s goodness, and keeping me covered in prayer as I continue this marathon race toward motherhood.

I apologize ahead of time for the motion sickness moments in this video, but I do hope you’ll watch it and celebrate crossing the victory line with me in the end! And because so many of you still with me were blog followers back then, can you leave a comment and tell me if your loved one was someone I ran for back then?  I had dozens of names on my t-shirt I was running for from blog followers, and I would love to know if any of you are still with me today! 🙂