THE COMPARISON GAME.

As I prepared this blog behind the scenes last month, I hinted on my Facebook that I was getting ready to launch something new.  Knowing it must look like I have career A.D.D. sometimes, as I nervously made the choice to try yet another thing now as a home styler, one of my church friends joked with her comment with a long list of things she’s seen me do over the years with a final, “as if all that wasn’t enough?”

When I read that, I paused, and laughed to myself, “Oh I haven’t accomplished THAT much.”  Then I reread the list… “Ok, maybe I have accomplished quite a bit.”  Yet, at the same time… it doesn’t feel like enough. No matter how old we get, no matter how much we’ve succeeded at, do we ever reach a point of feeling like we’ve accomplished… enough?

I often find myself comparing my life to the rich and famous who are my age like Kim Kardashian and Britney Spears… how can they be the same age, and already have their mansions and millions?  Or my high school friends who are accomplished lawyers or doctors or moms of three.  Some days I question, what would my life have looked like if I had stayed the conventional route of finishing my architecture degree, or married young?  Or became that pop star I once auditioned for back in the day of singing television shows before American Idol was cool?

“No matter how old we get, no matter how much we’ve succeeded at, do we ever reach a point of feeling like we’ve accomplished… enough?”

But then I remember… comparison is the thief of joy.  And my joy is ultimately found in the strength of the Lord.  And that it’s not fair to compare my behind the scenes to someone else’s highlight reel, because I’m sure, their behind the scenes is a lot messier than they let on (NOTE TO SELF: Remember Britney’s shaving the head to incident.. and that umbrella attack!  That’s one behind the scenes mess that made it to everyone’s highlight reel, and those mansions and millions are not worth that humiliation!)  To the outside world, my highlight reel might look impressive.  But behind the scenes, I have all the normal doubts, insecurities, daily battle of not comparing myself to worldly standards and struggling to keep myself grounded in my identity in Christ. Some days I succeed, some days I fail… some career choices I’ve succeeded at, some career choices I’ve failed.  Some life challenges I’ve succeeded at, some life challenges I’ve extremely failed.

But…

I try.

And I’m learning… at least I try.  I know trying in and of itself is courageous.  Trying means, I refuse to settle for the ordinary.  Trying means I put my faith in going after that which I can not always see in front of me, but believe in it with all my heart is real. And isn’t that the root of what faith is really all about?

And sometimes, when I look back and think I haven’t really accomplished that much, I remember, just trying is sometimes the best accomplishment of all.