I’m writing this blog entry from yet another airplane. As I often look out at God’s majesty of His creation below, it amazes me how much I still let worry consume my life, and my spiritual walk with Him.
Stephen and I recently had a powerful prayer moment in our living room praying for something specific, only to look up at the end of the prayer and see 3 doves in our backyard. We immediate gasped, “It’s a sign!” We just knew it had to be a sign. After all, doves were symbolic throughout the bible. And while they usually travel in pairs, to see three pecking in our backyard, it was so symbolic of the Father, the Son & the Holy Spirit. How could God NOT answer our prayer after that huge sign?
Only…. Later that day…. We found out….. Our prayer wasn’t answered. I was left in shock. But the doves were our sign? How could the outcome not be in our favor?
I was bummed. Bummed in a belated kind of way that doesn’t really hit you until two days later and suddenly you just want to stay in bed under the covers and not face the rest of the world kind of way. But more so, it was God I didn’t want to face after the disappointment.
Lately I’ve been in a place of asking God for “signs” that He’s still with me when I’ve finally realized, my need for signs was only a substitute for my worry.
For not trusting Him.
For replacing faith.
My faith was being replaced by worry instead of replacing my worries with faith.
I was looking for physical signs as if God owed me for all my years of faith instead of simply continuing in faith. And I was too busy looking for signs in front of me instead of remembering that faith is based on what can not be seen. (Hebrews 11:1)
I consider myself a faithful Christian. I pray regularly. I attend church on Sunday. I volunteer at church events. But yet, I question my faith all the time. Is it strong enough? Is it pure enough? Is it forgiving enough? Is it giving enough? Am I doing enough to collect my gold stars toward one day hearing Jesus say, “Well done my good and faithful servant.”
And there are areas of my faith that I am strong and other areas I feel I have no faith at all. I know my God is a big God. I know He is capable of healing and miracles. But how do I have faith in His healing capabilities when I still struggle with questioning why He didn’t heal my dad from cancer? Why did He choose to give my mom a longer life and heal her from her cancer but not my dad? I still struggle with that in the back of my heart. I want to believe. But…. but…. most days I don’t know how to.
I am blessed to have family and friends that stand in the gap of my faith. But is that enough? Do I still get a gold star toward being a faithful servant if my faith has gaps? Or do I lose a gold star if my gaps are filled with worries instead?
I read in a daily devotional I get in my email that:
“The average person’s worry is focused on:
40% of things that will never happen…
30% of things about the past that can’t be changed…
12% of things relating to the criticism by others, mostly untrue…
10% about health, which gets worse with stress and
8% about real problems that will be faced.”
Reading that really shook me up because how true it was. It opened my eyes to the fact that I need to stop today, right now, this moment, to make a choice in changing those percentages.
So starting today, I’m choosing to move forward with freeing up my mind to the 92% of things I shouldn’t be worrying about.
I’m choosing to be at peace with it being ok that I might never know the answers to all my “Why’s” that create the gaps in my faith.
I’m choosing to replace worry instead with faith. Because in the end I would rather err on the side of faith instead of having none at all.
Starting today, what are you choosing?
Scarlett,
This has been me…Thank you for sharing your heart and know that you are not alone. We all struggle with faith in believing, even when we can’t see or fail to understand. I think Father God understands this, and that is why His grace abounds. To cover us in those moments of questions, doubts, and weakness. For when our faith is at our weakest, He is made strong. The beautiful thing is that He loves us in spite of our lack of faith at times. There is nothing we could do or not do to earn or lose that love. Praise God!
Great insight Amanda!! I love what you said about how God understands all of this and this is when His grace abounds!
This is so deep, Scarlett. And I can assure you that just as I read it – except even more so – God sees your precious heart. He is the same yesterday, today and forever and I think in those moments we are struggling in our faith, especially with understanding why something happened or didn’t happen, it’s His grace that holds us up and stands in the gap for us. That’s what makes Him so eternally awesome – it has nothing to do with us, but it’s all totally HIM holding us up until we can get back on our feet and in the racing lane. We still get our gold star, because it’s not based on our performance, but upon His unfailing, unending and unconditional love for us that allows us to press through and stay the course, enduring til the end. He is so faithful. And so loving, even when our sorrows make it so hard to feel His love for us. Thank you for writing this. Those statistics ARE alarming and a good reminder to cherish every precious moment in life that’s in front of us. I think I’m gonna start by, when I find myself thinking of something in that 92% bracket, asking myself “is this going to matter in five years?” Or something like that. 🙂
Thanks for sharing your heart Nanette! So glad you started a blog too because you are so full of wisdom and an amazing writer!
I am also a worrier. So much so that I wrote a book on it to see if doing the research would help. Indeed, it does. But I’m a work-in-progress. You may want to check out my book; I still do. It’s called THE WORRYWART’S PRAYER BOOK. It’s filled with Scripture, affirmations, anecdotes and prayers to help worrywarts get off the worry-go-round and trust God more. My favorite: “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fal into the heart of the sea.” Psalm 46:1, 2. I also love the adage my husband coined for the book, “Let there be no crisis before its time.”
Worrying negates God; it says to him you don’t believe he can do his job. So, remember, God’s in charge so give all your worries to Him. He’s the only one Who can make any sense of them.
So cool that you have a book about this very topic! I’ll have to look for it!