Ephesians 4:32

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

The other day as I was catching up with a dear friend, who is single, and she sat in the car and told me, “You and Stephen just have the perfect marriage, I hope to find that one day.”  I just laughed and said “Are you kidding me?”  Perfect?  Far from it.  We’re married.  That statement alone means there are ups and downs and good and bad and for better and for worse.  She went onto say how she loves following our lives on social media and seeing our picture perfect life and how in love we are and how inspiring it is… and while I want her to be inspired and know that true love is worth the wait….I also want her to know that true love also is worth fighting for.  Because no love is perfect.  Love is a continual growing process.  It is a continual sacrifice of selfishness, of putting someone’s needs above your own, of his ways vs my ways, of compromise, and all the un-picture perfect things that no one shares on social media.

I was telling her the story of my lesson learning what a facade Facebook can be.  I had an old girlfriend from high school who I had lost touch with, yet, we were Facebook friends, and I would check in from time to time to see how happy and beautiful her family had grown.  I was so happy to see her so happy.  Finally we reached out beyond Facebook to get together to catch up.  As we met in person, I learned that those super glossy smiley family photos I was complimenting her on?  Those were the result of the absolute worst time in their family’s life after a year of separation from her husband, and they were currently in a phase of trying to rebuild and forgive, so they took the family photos as part of their attempt to heal that messy moment in their marriage.  I remember being in shock.  And of course my heart broke for her.  And it was my wake up call to what a facade Facebook can be.

The hardest lesson I have learned from our 2 years of marriage is how much marriage is a reflection of my own personal walk with Jesus.  Marriage requires constant forgiveness.  It requires accountability and choosing to keep things in the light, not the dark.  It requires daily communication.  It requires choosing to be a reflection of Christ’s love to the other person, even more so in those moments where you really don’t want to.  It requires trusting someone else with all your vulnerabilities, and hoping they still choose to love you despite how many times you fail to give a perfect love to them.  And when it can feel impossible to forgive your spouse, those are the exact moments Christ wants to remind us that it’s most important to forgive because the bottom line is….. He forgave us.  How can we know that and not extend the same grace to our partner in life?  I am so thankful for that grace.  His absolutely amazing grace.

And the greatest lesson I’ve learned about marriage is that, in the end, it’s worth fighting for until the end.  This lesson I learned from watching my parent’s marriage play out until the end.  They had many up and time moments throughout their 34 years of marriage.  I watched so many times how God had to completely shatter them apart in order to restore and rebuild.  And despite all the broken moments…. I have never seen a love more beautiful than between them the last 8 months of my dad’s life.  In those closing moments of their love story, I witnessed that love is completely worth fighting for.  To be able to hold someone’s hand until their last breath.  To look back over the story of their love and know they lived their love to the fullest.  To know that each time they forgave, it was brought with so many more beautiful memories that they what wouldn’t have been able to experience had they taken the easy way out to run away.  To see that in the end moments of life, what’s important is not what you have accomplished or how much money you made, but what is important is how strongly you loved and made a difference in the life of someone else through your love.  And in the natural moments of marriage where disagreements happen, where hurts happen, where confrontation happens and the last thing I want to do is keep my vows I made to my husband, I close my eyes and think of watching my parents fight for their love until the very last breath, and the legacy of forgiveness they set before me.  That is the perfect marriage I want people to know Stephen and I have, not something glossy they see on social media.  That our marriage is not perfect because we are perfect and appear to be fairy tale like, but that our love is built on perfect forgiveness and grace just as Christ forgave us individually first.

And while I know not every marriage is redeemable, if you have come from a broken one, my greatest hope is that you too can one day be in a marriage that is braided together with three strands: you, your spouse and Christ.  Because a cord of three strands can not be easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

Before getting married, I saw a movie that completely left a huge impact in my life of the kind of marriage I hoped to have one day… one that fights for each other… that doesn’t give up when all signs point to the door… and one that is fireproof.  If you haven’t seen this movie, whether married or single, I highly recommend it, even with all it’s cheesiness.

Stephen and I were recently visiting family in Seattle and as part of staying there, we get to see and hang out with our nephews and niece Norah, as pictured above.  On our last day, Norah, 3 years old, wanted some cereal, and here’s the dialogue that was exchanged between she and her dad.

“Daddy, I want cereal.”

“No, Norah.  We’re out of milk.”

“But Daddy, I SAID I want cereal.”

“And Norah, I SAID there’s no milk.”

Immediately, Norah broke out in tears and pouted and ran to the corner because she didn’t get her way.  As my heart broke watching my sweet little niece get sooooo upset over not getting her way, at the same time, I sat there thinking, I’m no different when it comes to my relationship with my Heavenly father.  When I ask something from God, and I don’t get it, I throw my own pity party.  I pout.  I get depressed.  I may even break out in tears.  Usually, actually, I break out in tears.  And the part that frustrates me the most is having to deal with not understanding the “why” behind the “no”, instead of just trusting my Heavenly Father knows best.

The situation with Norah and her dad came following a night where I found out the reason to a “Why not?” that I had been wondering for over 10 years.  I went through a situation in my early 20s where I went through a lot of hurt.  It wasn’t so much that the hurt came from a person, but it was more my frustration of asking God “WHY NOT?”  I hated not knowing the answer why God wasn’t answering a lot of prayers I prayed back then.  I had to chalk it up to simply being my life version of Garth Brooks’ song “Unanswered Prayers” and trust that everything happens for a reason, even if we don’t understand it.  Sometimes we just have to accept that God not answering a prayer is an answer to prayer in and of itself.  He sees the big picture.  He wants to protect us.  He wants to give us better than our own limited view of what we see in front of us.  He wants us to trust that when He doesn’t answer prayers, it’s because He has a reason why, whether or not we ever find out the answer.

Yet, now totally unrelated, I’m back in that place.  As I sit here praying for something that feels like is going unanswered, I’m having to trust all over again with every fiber in my being.  And it’s killing me.  And most days I don’t like it.  And I want to pout and cry and go hide in the corner like my little niece.  Yet, I then remember I’m 32, not 3, and realize how thankful I am for the grace that God continues to love me despite my own temper tantrums.

I think about you a lot more than you realize. Yes, you. My loyal blog reader and friend. Even you quiet ones who continue to read and never leave a comment. But I’m grateful you are there.  And that you are still here with me on a new blog yet again.

I’m always thinking about what you like. What you don’t like. What should I blog about and share that would bless your day. Make a difference. Leave an impact and make it worth your time to spend a few minutes of your day on my blog.

I’ve gone through a lot of transitions lately. And you’ve stayed there by my side. And I’m always thinking about you trying to figure out what to share, not share. I want to create blog entries for you that inspire you. And often times I feel stumped. I don’t want to write just to write or just spit something out. I want to write because I’m inspired with hopes that it will inspire you.

Sometimes that means shifting directions completely to get back to the heart of things, which I’m doing once again this new blog as I try to navigate the best way to continue my journey with you through the world of blogging that has made up so much of my past, in addition to led me to some of my most beautiful friendships.

Through my years of blogging, I know I’ve been a little all over the place bouncing around from Scarlett Lillian Photography to Scarlett & Stephen to The Decor Diaries to now a new design and branding business I’m helping my hubby with called REmix Design & Media.  Lately, I feel like my life has been that circus act where a juggler has 5 sticks and on top of it he’s trying to balance 5 spinning plates.  It’s a been few years of transitions and really trying to find my way… from single girl photographer who lost the first love of her life with my dad to cancer, to finding the love of my life with Stephen, to now married wife sharing a photography business, to the hubby starting his own design website business to now, eek, the scariest of them all, transitioning into preparing for motherhood one day (keyword: “transitioning”, “one day”… not yet).  I feel like it’s been a constant whirlwind of feeling like, ok, whew I finally got my act together, this is who I am… to then wham, another transition… and wait, back up… I also like doing this… let me try this out… I thought once you left your 20s, that whole soul searching thing disappeared (along with acne… both false illusions).

Searching for another creative outlet to do something that went beyond the photographer I’m typically labeled as, I created The Decor Diaries last year in the midst of a bunch of home makeovers… At the time, I was so engulfed in all those design choices, I thought it would be fun to have a blog all about it… only to discover, hmm, ok, decorating is fun, but it’s not enough to make me wake up in the morning and want to write about it on a blog.  So I added in some girly things like Fashion Decor, and Life Decor and even tried to add in some Kitchen Decor posting recipes, when the bottomline is, I’m really not passionate about cooking.  Cupcakes, of course, but not cooking.  And fashion… sure, what girl doesn’t like fashion, but, really, at the heart of it, I certainly don’t consider myself a fashion blogger.  I just don’t have the patience to keep up with all the latest trends.  But yet, while it won’t be my main focus, I do still like it, and might still post an outfit of the week on this blog from time to time just for the fun of it…..

With all these things, I felt like I was trying to force myself to be something I really wasn’t deep down.

So I ate my own medicine recently rereading a book I wrote for photographers about giving God a 40-day commitment to trust Him to lead you where you are meant to be.  Rereading this along with a great group in The Prosper Community, I got clarity… I need to stop trying to “be” all these things, and simply be…. me.

With that, I’ve taken things back to my roots here at my old domain, scarlettlillian.com.  Not Scarlett Lillian the photographer… not The Decor Diaries by Scarlett Lillian… not Prosper by Scarlett Lillian…. not Creative Director at REmix…. just simply….. me, who yes, happens to have all these other things going on under the umbrella of who I am… And for the first time in a long time, I truly feel like, yes, this is IT!  This is where my blogging home is meant to be to connect with you best.

The clarity also came in the form of an email from a Facebook friend… as I sat there confused about where God was leading me, this email told me what was really buried in the core of my heart from the beginning…

“Thank you so much, Scarlett!!! I can’t tell you how much you’ve inspired me over the past few years!”

My first reaction was “How can I be so confused about who I am and still be inspiring people?”  But that word resonated with me…..“Inspired”…. that’s all I’ve ever wanted to do really. I just want to inspire people through my story I’ve shared with you on my blogs over the years.  Whether it’s been through how to hold onto your faith for dear life after losing a loved one to cancer, to how true love is worth the wait, to sharing cool photography through the love stories I’m privileged to shoot with my husband, to now nervously walking down the path toward trying to become parents (uh yeah, lots more on that topic coming soon), to even silly superficial girly things like outfits of the week…. All my heart has ever craved and longed for is that somehow, God would use my life and each chapter in it for a purpose to inspire others to draw closer to His heart through the story He is writing chapter by chapter in all our lives.  Even through all the criticism I’ve received taking risks along the way, it makes it worth it getting emails like the one above from you.  But that’s what living a bold faith is all about.  Taking risks for God’s kingdom, making it all worth it if just one life is led to knowing Jesus as their Lord and Savior. While I am far from perfect, I am thankful for Jesus’ perfect grace to cover my imperfections.  And by living outloud, we all give other people permission to do the same.

So welcome to yet, another new blog… I promise to stick around this one for a while (uh, it is my name after all! I can’t ditch it!  ha!)….Thanks as always for your blog reader loyalty and following me to a new destination (or technically back to an old destination) as I figure things out one day at a time… I can’t promise I’m going to blog everyday as a good blogger should…. but I do promise I will blog when I’m inspired with something I want to inspire you with.  In the meantime, I’m going to resume my juggling act and hope that this blog can be a relaxing place to share life with you along the way.

As always… thanks for being here with me on the journey as we figure out how to do life together…